Project Manager, Hardware Engineer & Software Engineer

A project manager, hardware engineer and software engineer were in a car heading down a hill when the brakes failed. The driver managed to get it stopped by using the gears and a convenient dirt track.

All three jumped out and after peering under the car the hardware engineer said, “I see what the problem is and with this handy roll of duct tape I think I can fix it good enough to get us to the next town”. The project manager quickly interrupted, “No, no, no. Before we do anything we need to decide on a vision for our future, figure out a plan and assign individual deliverables”. At which point the software engineer said, “You know what, I think we should push the car back up to the top of the hill and see if it happens again”.

This JOKE won an award for the best joke competition

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here.”

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.

“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank theTitanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”

Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”

The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”

• This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and was sent by an INDIAN … !!!

Timepass Joke of the day

 

One guy suddenly got up in a plain and said:

“hijack”

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*
Everybody in the plane put there hands up.

Then suddenly

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

*
*

Another guy from another side got up and said

“hi…john”

 

Asking the right Question !

 

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, “Why don’t you ask the Priest?”
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I smoke while I pray ?”
The Priest replies, “No, my son, you may not! That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, “Father, may I pray while I smoke ?”
To which the Priest eagerly replies, “By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to.”

The moral of this story:

• The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
• For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don’t ask for the holiday;
  Ask: “Can I keep working on this project while I’m on vacation?”

Bill Gates – Car Operating System

 

Bill’s company made software to run a car.

Bill was taking a test ride of the car. Suddenly a truck came from opposite side.

Bill pressed ctrl+b to apply brakes.

A pop-up window appeared asking, “Are you sure you really want to stop?”

Before Bill could enter “Yes”, there was a crash and the car caught fire.

In panic Bill forgot the password to open the door.

He started shouting “F1! F1!” but there was no computer professional present there to understand his screams.

Then he tried to come out through the car window-pane.

A message appeared on the screen, “An illegal function is performed.

All the window-panes of the car will be closed.” Poor Bill died.

Messengers of death took away his soul and said to him, “You have never ever performed any good deeds in your life. You always stole the code from others. We are going to send you to hell.”

Bill pleaded, “I am ready to go to hell but do provide me a computer, please.”

Messengers of death smiled inwardly and permitted him a computer, but with no Alt, Ctrl and Delete keys on the keyboard.

 

Wonderful Definitions of Designations at Office

 

1.) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2.) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3.) On-site Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4.) Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.

5.) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6.) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.

7.) Documentation Team thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document 9 months.

8.) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

9.) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby